With the Knicks and Celtics game on the horizon (8pm on TNT), I figured that a post dedicated to Cereal-gate and the 5 Things Carmelo Anthony Must Do To Tonight would be appropriate. The game will be chippy in nature, and the refereeing will be tighter than Lolo Jones‘ birth canal, so expect a bevy of calls and frustration from the players.
5. Go Boxing
There’s is nothing wrong with blowing off some steam before the game tonight. Anthony should go to gym and hit the heavy or speed bag; simply to let out the anger that is slowing boiling in his system. I mean maybe some boxing lessons would help considering the whole back-peddling incident in MSG when he played for Denver. Melo, you think we forgot?
4. Eat Honey Nut Cheerios
He might as well embrace the fact Celtic fans will give him hell tonight. What better way then to devour an entire box of Honey Nut Cheerios. Why? So he can get over the whole situation; he claims that he has moved on, I doubt it, shit like that festers and you can’t wait to distribute every fade possible.
3. Arrive To The Stadium In A Ray Allen Jersey
It’s simple; wear it to piss off everyone in Boston, and you will be in control. It’s all about the transference of energies. Any reference to Judas Shuttlesworth is a big hit in Beantown.
2. Sex Up LaLa
All Melo has to do is fornicate with his lovely wife just to remind himself that his wife is better than Kevin Garnett’s (although she is bad too). To make matters better: during the game Melo should put his finger up to KG’s nose and say “Yeah, bitch.”
1. Snuff The Shit Out Of Kevin Garnett
Right when everyone lines up for the tip-off, Melo should just punch KG square in the nose. The ball won’t even be in the air by the time Anthony steals on KG. When it’s all said and done, Garnett should resemble Manny Pacquiao, and since the league will most likely deny his appeal for the confrontation earlier, he might as well get his retribution.